Weird Al Yankovic - You're Pitiful Lyrics

You're Pitiful Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

My life is brilliant
What, was I too early?
Oh, sorry... Should I - do you wanna start over, Or...
Keep going? Okay... now? Now?

My life is brilliant
Your life's a joke
You're just pathetic
You're always broke
Your homemade Star Trek uniform
Really ain't impressin' me
You're sufferin' from delusions of
Adequacy

You're pitiful
You're pitiful
You're pitiful, it's true
Never had a date
That you couldn't inflate
And you smell repulsive too
What a bummer bein' you

Well, you just can't dance
And forget romance
Everybody you know still calls you...
Farty-Pants
But you'll always have a job - well, I mean...
As long as you still can work that Slurpee machine

You're pitiful
You're pitiful
You're pitiful, it's true
You're half-undressed
Eatin' chips off your chest
While you're playin' Halo 2
No one's classier than you

La la la la, la la la la
La la la la loser

You're pitiful
You're pitiful
You're pitiful, it's true
Your dog would much rather play fetch by itself
You still live with your mom and you're 42
Guess you'll never grow a clue
Well, it just sucks to be you

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Weird Al Yankovic - Your Horoscope For Today Lyrics

Your Horoscope For Today Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

Aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, Oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely
That the relative position of the planets and the stars could have
A special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
But let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions
Are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have
To be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of the is absolutely true.

Where was I?

Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I's lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
That's your horoscope for today

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Weird Al Yankovic - Young, Dumb Ugly Lyrics

Young, Dumb Ugly Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

We're dangerous dudes, we got bad attitudes
Most of our brain cells are gone
We were born to be bad, you better not make us mad
Or we just might toilet paper your lawn
We got a reputation 'round these parts
We only leave a ten percent tip
Sometimes we don't return our shoping carts
Stay out of our way and don't you give us no lip

'Cause we're young... dumb and ugly
That's what we are
We're so young... young, dumb and ugly

We wear black leather in the hottest weather
You can't imagine the smell
We got three-day stubble, Our names spell trouble
T-R-U-B-E-L
Reaisin' hell, bendin' the rules just a little
We're livin' only for thrills
We squeeze our tooothpaste tubes from the middle
And wait until the last minute to pay our telephone bills

'Cause we're young... dumb and ugly
You better believe it
We're young... young, dumb and ugly
I'll tell you again
We're so young... young, dumb and ugly
We're comin' to your town
Yeah, we're young... young, dumb and ugly

We're wild, reckless men, we're on a rampage again
We drive with just one hand on the wheel
Danger's in our soul, we're goin' out of control
Swimmin' right after a big heavy meal
We're there wherever trouble's starting
We're rebels without a clue
We drink milk right from the carton
And keep our library books 'till they're way overdue

'Cause we're young... dumb and ugly
That's what we are
We're so young... young, dumb and ugly
You can't stop us
We're young... we're so young, dumb and ugly
Young, dumb & ugly
We're young... we're young, dumb and ugly
So ugly
Young... dumb... & ugly

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Weird Al Yankovic - You Make Me Lyrics

You Make Me Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

You make me wanna slam my head against the wall
You make me do the limbo
You make me wanna buy a slurpee at the mall
You make me watch the Gong Show
There's really something kinda strange about you, baby, but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

You make me wanna hide a weasel in my shorts
You make me wanna phone home
You make me wanna write a dozen book reports
Then pack myself in styrofoam
Sometimes you make me want to build a model of the Eiffel Tower out of Belgian waffles

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

You make me wanna hang out in a trailer park
Then take my hamster to the beach
You make me wanna do my laundry in the dark
And use a recommended bleach
When I'm with you I don't know whether I should study neurosurgery or go to see the Care Bears movie

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

That's what you do to me
That's what you do to me
That's what you do to me
Oooo
You make me wanna break the laws of time and space
You make me wanna eat pork
You make me wanna staple bagels to my face
Then remove 'em with a pitchfork
You know there's something quite unusual about you but I can't exactly seem to put my finger on it

You make me
You make me
You make me
That's what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what, what you do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do-do-do-do-do to me

(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do
(You make me) That's what you do to me

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Weird Al Yankovic - You Don't Take Your Showers Lyrics

You Don't Take Your Showers Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

You don't take your showers
You don't use Ban Roll On
Please don't come near me anymore
I'll throw up on the floor because you make me ill

I remember when

You used to smell half-decent
That hasn't been too recent
Now your repulsing all the people you know
You perspire freely, your dandruff's like snow
And you're drawing flies everywhere that you go

'Cuz you don't take your showers anymore

I had to buy some Airwick
You even made my dog sick
You can't come over anymore 'cuz your hygiene is poor
And besides, you're a slob

You create a nuisance
When you're out in public
When you walk up to people in your smelly old clothes
And they just run from you, holding their nose
And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'Cuz you don't take your showers anymore

And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'Cuz you don't change your undies
And you don't use Ban Roll On
And you don't take your showers anymore

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Weird Al Yankovic - You Don't Love Me Anymore Lyrics

You Don't Love Me Anymore Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

We've been together for so very long
But now things are changing, Oh I wonder what's wrong?
Seems you don't want me around
The passion is gone and the flame's died down

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think I was nice
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist

Oh, why did you disconnect the breaks on my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down the elevator shaft

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers

Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, Oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

[Approximately 10 minutes and 2 seconds of silence]

[Some loud and spontaneous noises]

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Weird Al Yankovic - Yoda Lyrics

Yoda Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S-O-D-A, soda

I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda"
Y-O-D-A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I left home just a week before
And I've never ever been a Jedi before
But Obi Wan, he set me straight, Of course
He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force"

Well I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben
So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

So I used the Force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
But, I won't forget what Yoda said

He said, "Luke, stay away from the darker side
And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed
But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda I guess
But I know that I'll be coming back some day
I'll be playing this part 'till I'm old and gray

The long-term contract I had to sign
Says I'll be making these movies till the end of time
Oh with my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

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Weird Al Yankovic - Yoda Chant Lyrics

Yoda Chant Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Dit dit da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Boom shakalakalaka
Boom shakalakalaka
Nyaaaaaaaaaa-ahh pork

Homina
Homina
Homina homina homina

Ba ba oom mow mow
Ba ba oom mow ma mow
Ba ba oom mow mow
Ba ba oom mow ma mow

Welllllllll doggie (turn neck to left, make cracking sound)

Heh he heh
La la la, nice lady

Cutta cutta cutta cutta
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay daw
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay daw
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay

Da da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta da

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Weird Al Yankovic - Won't Eat Prunes Again Lyrics

Won't Eat Prunes Again Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

It was just the other day
When we went to Joe's Cafe
Just to order up a couple steaks to eat

But we noticed something wrong
All the Worcestershire was gone
But the waitress brought a different kind of treat

She said this sauce was the chef's new creation
Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation
But she warned us it's made out of prunes
"Try a little if you dare"
"Nothing can compare"
So we had some and now we swear
We won't eat prunes again

That was such a dirty trick
Boy, it really made us sick
Well it looks like we've been done in by the prune

Still the memory lingers on
I been livin' in the john
'Cause I've had the runs since Monday afternoon

I'd sell my soul for some new constipation
Need a cure for this new aggravation
Diarrhea has taken it's toll
Still got the runs today
Just like yesterday
Buddy, that's why I'm hear to say
We won't eat prunes again

Won't eat prunes again
No no

Yeah

Eat the new sauce
Same as the old sauce

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Weird Al Yankovic - Windows 95 Sucks Lyrics

Windows 95 Sucks Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

Well, I bought up.
Brought windows home,
And d'cided to boot it up.

But when I load it up,
It says my memory is not enough...
I'd be runnin' out.
I need some extra RAM to fix me up...

I have to cough it up...
Open my wallet up.
It never stops. (4x)

It's Windows 95!
It suckin' up my Drive.
It' makes a pretty all fine.
But my PC... is obsolete.
I'll have to buy myself a brand new machine...

Bring it up...
Stick me up.
You suck me in, and then you got me hooked.
You got me... , you got me.

There's so much stuff to buy
I need a new harddrive
It's gonna suck me dry.
My CPU says, 'don't have the speed',
It takes an hour just to bring up the screen
Nanana,

Oh no.
I making software buys,
Wow!
It's making Bill Gates come.
Yoyo.
You make a rich man come.

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Weird Al Yankovic - Why Does This Always Happen To Me Lyrics

Why Does This Always Happen To Me Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report
About dsome devistating earthquake in Peru
There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried alive
On the Richter scale it measured 8.2

And I said, "God, please answer me one question?"
"Why'd they have to interrupt 'The Simpsons' just for this?"
What a drag, 'cause I was taping it and everything
And now I'll have to wait for the rerun to see the part of the show I missed

Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
(Why) Why does this always happen to me?

Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba

I was driving down the highway when all the traffic slowed to a crawl
There was a twelve-car pile-up, everybody dead
And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere
As well as my friend Robert's disembodied head

And I thought - Poor Rob, I just had lunch with him
Hey, wait a minute, he still owes me money - what a jerk
Well, there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again
Plus now, On top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be late to work

Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
(Why) Why does this always happen to me?

Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba

Oh, the other day, my boss said we were running low on toner
And he told me I should buy another case
Well, I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking
So, I turned around and stabbed him in the face (right in the face)

Oh, and wouldn't you know it, my knife got stuck
I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then
But I'm afraid I may have bent the tip a little
And I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again (quite as sharp again)
Oh, tell me

Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why does this always happen?
Why does this always happen to me?

Why does this always happen to me?
(Why does this always happen to me?)
Why does this always happen to me?
(Why does this always happen to me?)

Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba

Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba

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Weird Al Yankovic - Whole Lotta Lunch Lyrics

Whole Lotta Lunch Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

[parody of whole lotta love by led zeppelin]
Wanna whole lotta lunch!
Wanna whole lotta lunch!
Wanna whole lotta lunch!
Wanna whole lotta lunch!

Way down inside!
Woman, you need
Lunch!

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Weird Al Yankovic - White And Nerdy Lyrics

White And Nerdy Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

They see me mowin'
My front lawn
I know they're all thinking I'm so white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy?
Look at me, I'm white and nerdy
I wanna roll with
The gangstas
But so far they all think I'm too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy.
Really really white and nerdy.

First in my class here at MIT
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D
MC Escher - that's my favorite MC
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin, to the contrary
You'll find that they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Steven Hawking's in my library
My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
Got people beggin' for my top eight spaces
Yo, I know pie to a thousand places
Ain't got no grillz but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a whiz at Minesweeper - I could play for days
Once you see my sweet moves you're gonna stay amazed
My fingers' movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze
There's no killer app I haven't run
At Pascal, well I'm number one
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat but I got a soldering gun
Happy Days is my favorite theme song
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent in Java as well as Klingon
It's the part I sing on

They see me roll on
My Segway
I know in my heart they think I'm white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me, I'm white and nerdy
I'd like to roll with
The gangstas
Although it's apparent I'm too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
How'd I get so white and nerdy

I've been browsin', inspectin'
X-Men comics, you know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket, I must protect 'em
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shopping online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL
I got a business doing websites
When my friends need some code, who do they call?
I do HTML for 'em all
Even made a homepage for my dog
Yo, I got myself a fanny pack
They were havin' a sale down at The Gap
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
Pop, pop, hope no one sees me
Gettin' freaky
I'm nerdy in the extreme
And whiter than sour cream
I was in AV Club and Glee Club and even the Chess Team
Only question I
Ever thought was hard
Was do I like Kirk
Or do I like Picard
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Fair
Got my name on my underwear

They see me strollin'
They laughin'
And rollin' their eyes 'cause I'm so white and nerdy
Just because I'm white and nerdy
Just because I'm white and nerdy
All because I'm white and nerdy
Holy cow, I'm white and nerdy
I wanna bowl with
The gangstas
But, Oh well, it's obvious I'm white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Look at me, I'm white and nerdy

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Weird Al Yankovic - Which Backstreet Boy Is Gay Lyrics

Which Backstreet Boy Is Gay Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

We are on fire,
We have desires,
But one is that way,
One backstreet boy is gay.

But we don't want to
Be mean,
Since now he's a queen,
Don't ask me,
Which backstreet boy is gay?

Tell me who,
(Ain't saying that it's AJ)
Tell me who,
(Ain't saying that it's Howie)
Tell me who,
I never wanna hear you say,
Which backstreet boy is gay?

Now I can see him,
He's in women's clothes,
But he don't need an IUD... yeah
He likes village people
He's playing croquet,
His dog is a Pekinese.

He's on fire,
His back perspires,
Won't say (won't say, won't say, won't saaaay)
He's always saying

Ain't nothing but a butt ache,
Ain't nothing but a fruitcake,
I never wanna hear you say (I never wanna hear you say)
Which one of us is gay?

Tell me who,
(Ain't saying that it's Brian)
Tell me who,
(Ain't saying Nick or Kevin)
Tell me who,
He's baking up a souffle,
Which backstreet boy is gay?

Okay, we're all gay...

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Weird Al Yankovic - When I Was Your Age Lyrics

When I Was Your Age Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

Let me tell you sonny... let me set you straight
You kids today ain't never had it rough
Always had everything handed to you on a silver plate
You lazy brats think nothing's good enough

Well, nobody ever drove me to school when it was ninety degrees below
We had to walk buck naked through forty miles of snow
Worked in the coal mines twenty two hours a day for just half a cent
Had to sell my internal organs just to pay the rent

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

Let me tell you something, you whiny little snot
There's something wrong with all you kids today
You just don't appreciate all the things you've got
We were hungry, broken and miserable and we liked it fine that way

There were seventy three of us living in a cardboard box
All I got for Christmas was a lousy bag of rocks
Every night for dinner, we had a big 'ol chunk of dirt
If we were really good, we didn't get dessert

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

Didn't have no telephone, didn't have no FAX machine
All we had was a couple cans and a crummy piece of string
Didn't have no swimming pool when I was just a lad
Our neighbor's septic tank was the closest thing we had
Didn't have no dental floss, had to use old rusty nails
Didn't have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails
Didn't have no water bed, had to sleep on broken glass
Didn't have no lawnmower, we used our teeth to cut the grass

What's the matter now, sonny, you say you don't believe this junk?
You think my story's wearin' kinda thin?
I tell you one thing, I never was such a disrespectful punk
Back in my time, we had a thing called discipline

My dad would whoop us every night till a quarter after twelve
Then he'd get too tired and he'd make us whoop ourselves
Then he'd chop me into pieces and play frisbee with my brain
And let me tell ya, Junior, you never heard me complain

When I was your age. When I was your age
When I was your age. When I was your age

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Weird Al Yankovic - Whatever You Like Lyrics

Whatever You Like Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

Hey girl,
You know our economy's in the toilet
But I'm still going to treat you right

I said you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

Tater tots, Cold Duck on ice
And we can clip coupons all night
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

Take you out for dinner, anywhere that you please
Like Burger King or Mickey D's
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can even have the large fries (large fries) yeah, yeah

Baby, you should know I am really quite a sweet guy
When I buy you bathroom tissue I always get the two-ply
Want it, you can get it, my dear
I got my Costco membership card right here, yeah

You like Top Ramen, need Top Ramen
Got a cupboard full of 'em, I'll keep 'em coming
You want it, I got it, go get it, just heat it
Dump the flavor packet on it and eat it

Pork and beans and Minute Rice
And we can play Cribbage all night
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

I can take you to the laundromat downtown
And watch all the clothes go round and round
And baby we can go wherever you like (if you like)
I said we can go wherever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

Hottest shorty I know, if you had some lipo
You could be second-runner-up Miss Ohio
Seven dollar bills rolled
Up inside my plastic billfold
Buy you a bagel even if it isn't day old
And you never ever gotta wear your sister's old clothes
As long as I'm still assistant manager at Kinko's
Cut your hair with scissors and a soup bowl
You ain't got to pay me, that's the way that I roll

My chick can have want she want
At Wal-mart she can pick out anything she want
I know girl you ain't never had a man like that
Who doesn't make you buy generic brand like that, Yeah

You like my Hyundai, see my Hyundai
I can take you to see your cousin Phil next Sunday
But that's kind of far and I'm not made of cash
Do you think you could chip in for gas?
Mac and Cheese would be all right
But let's send out for pizza tonight
And you can order any toppings you like (if you like)
I said you can even have the last slice (the last slice) yeah, yeah

Ran myself a cable from my neighbor next do'
Now I can get free HBO
And baby you can watch whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can watch whatever you like (if you like) yeah

And you can always ride the city bus
Got a stack of tokens just for us
Yo, my wallet's fat and full of ones
It's all about the Washingtons, that's right

You want White Castle, need White Castle
Long as you got me it won't be no hassle
You want it, we'll get it, just don't be a hater
If I grab a bunch of napkins for later

Thrift store jeans on sale half-price
The underwear at Goodwill is nice
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

Baby, I can give you anything you please
Even share my government cheese
And baby you can have as much as you like (if you like)
I said you can have as much as you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

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Weird Al Yankovic - What If God Smoked Cannabis Lyrics

What If God Smoked Cannabis Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

If god had long hair and a goatee
And if his eyes were pretty glazed
If he looked spaced out
Would you buy his story
Would you believe he had an eye infection?

And yeah yeah god looks baked
Yeah yeah god smells good
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah
What if god smoked cannabis?
Hit the bong like some of us
Drove a tie-dyed microbus
And he subscribes to rolling stone

If god made this place, in the beginning
Did he plant any seeds?
Or did he put them there for Adam and Eve
So they'd be hungry for the apple
That the snake was always offering

And yeah yeah god rolls great
Yeah yeah god smells good
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah
What if god smoked cannabis?
Do you suppose he had a buzz?
When he made the platypus
When he created earth our home
Does he like pearl jam or the stones?

And do you think he rolls his own
Up there in heaven on the throne
And when the saints go marching home
Maybe he sits and smokes a bowl

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Weird Al Yankovic - Weird Al - Pretty Fly For A Rabbi Lyrics

Weird Al - Pretty Fly For A Rabbi Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, Oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, Oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, Oy vey
And all the goyim say, I'm pretty fly for a rabbi

Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho

Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past
But most of 'em were nudniks and none of 'em would last
But our new guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick
I tell ya, he's to die for he really knows his shtick

So how's by you? Have you seen this Jew?
Reads the Torah, does his own accounting too
Workin' like a dog at the synagogue
He's there all day, he's there all day

Just say, "Vay iz mir" and he'll kick into gear
He'll bring you lots of cheer
And maybe bagels with some shmear
Just grab your yamulkah and hey, hey, do that Hebrew thing

(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, Oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, Oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, Oy vey
And all the goyim say, I'm pretty fly
(For a rabbi)

He shops at discount stores, not just any will sufice
He has to find a bargain,'cause he won't pay retail price
He never acts meshugga and he's hardly a schlemiel
But if you wanna haggle, Oh, he'll make you such a deal

People used to scoff, now they say, "Mazel tov"
He's such a macher 'cause he worked his tuchis off
Yeah, he keeps his cool and teaches shul
What's not to like? What's not to like?

On high holy days, you know he prays and prays
And he never eats pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise
Put on your yamulkah and hey, hey, do that Hebrew thing

When he's doing a Bar Mitzvah, now that you shouldn't miss
He'll always shlep on down for a wedding or a briss
They say, he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite chip
The parents pay the moyal and he gets to keep the tip

(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, Oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, Oy vey
(How ya doin' Bernie?)
Oy vey, Oy vey

Meccha leccha hi, meccha meccha cholly ho

He's doin' well, I gotta kvell
The yentas love him, even shicksas think he's swell
Show up at his home, he says,"Shalom"
And "Have some cake, you want some cake?"

Yah, he calls the shots, we really love him lots
Oy gevalt, I'm so ferklempt that I could plotz
So grab your yamulkah, the one you got for Chanukah
Let's put on our yamulkah and hey, hey, do that Hebrew thing

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Weird Al Yankovic - Weenie In A Bottle Lyrics

Weenie In A Bottle Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

It feels like I've been alone too long With no girls around, My mind was wondering, Thinking of some way, to release it

I looked in the kitchen, Saw some crisco oil and thats when my blood started to boil Oooohhh yeah

Ow, Ow, Ow! (Uh-oh) Ow, Ow, Ow! (oh god, what did I just do?!)

No-one wanted to be with me, had to make my dream come true I wanted to hump something, I didn't know what to do It seemed like a good idea, and no-one else was around I stuck my weenie in a bottle, and now I can't get it out

(stuck my weenie in a bottle today, gonna shove it up all the way, I stuck my weenie in a bottle, Oh no, i can't, just can't, someone help me out)

Its turning purple, all the feeling's gone Now where did I put that friggin' phone? Dialling 911

Please pick up, I'm in alot of pain This was supposed to feel good, now I'm suffering Oh please answer

Denver 911, what is your emergency? Ow, Ow, Ow! Hello? Ow, Ow, Ow! Sir, what seems to be the problem?

No-one wanted to be with me, had to make my dream come true I wanted to hump something, I didn't know what to do It seemed like a good idea, and no-one else was around I stuck my weenie in a bottle, and now I can't get it out

You stuck your weenie in a bottle, Oh my
You must be a really lonely guy,
You stuck your weenie in a bottle, thats a first
Don't worry sir, we're sending somebody out
Hey Pam, this guy's got his weenie stuck in a bottle!
No way!
He does!
What a friggin' loser!
Wait, sir, we're sending somebody out
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(He's in here, lets break the door down!Stand back! OH MY GOD! AHAHAHAHA!)

No-one wanted to be with him, he had to make his dream come true, he wanted to hump something, I didn't know what to do, it seemed like a good idea, and no-one else was around, he stuck his weenie in a bottle, now I can't get it out!

Ok, relax kid, we're gonna get this thing off ya! Ok Harry get ready. PULL, PULL, PULL!

Stuck my weenie in a bottle today, now now, now I can't get it out

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Weird Al Yankovic - Weasel Stomping Day Lyrics

Weasel Stomping Day Lyrics - Weird Al Yankovic

Faces filled with joy and cheer
What a magical time of year
Howdy Ho! It's Weasel Stomping Day

Put your Viking helmet on
Spread that mayonaisse on the lawn
Don't you know it's Weasel Stomping Day

All the little girls and boys
Love that wonderful crunching noise
You'll know what this day's about
When you stomp a weasel's guts right out

So, come along and have a laugh
Snap their weasely spines in half
Grap your boots and stomp your cares away
Hip hip hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day

[Sounds of weasels getting stomped on, with bone-crunching and rodent-screeching effects]

People up and down the street
Crushing weasels beneath their feet
Why we do it, who can say?
But it's such a festive holiday

So let the stomping fun begin
Bash their weasely skulls right in
It's tradition, that makes it okay

Hey everyone, it's Weasel Stomping
We'll have some fun on Weasel Stomping
Put down your gun, it's Weasel Stomping Day
Hip Hip Hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day

Weasel Stomping Day
Hey!

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